Sunday, March 22, 2015

You Need to Set Boundaries

Written by: Adryelle

Sometimes we don’t know what boundaries are. We don’t even know where they end and where they start. I think everyone wonders about this sometimes. Some people are lax with boundaries and some are too walled. Boundaries are things that, to me, keep one protected, safe, and separate from others. Sometimes people can become codependent and they don’t know where their boundaries begin and where another ends. Some people might take having boundaries as being rude, or mean, or selfish. The thing is you owe yourself protection and safety and if you don’t feel that way around certain people then it is time to set a boundary.

Image courtesy of nuttakit at
This is an example of boundaries that have been crossed:
 A guy becomes a fan of a girl’s blog. She begins a business relationship with him. They discuss several things and develop a friendship. He asks her to do a big project for him, and she says she would help him out. After awhile she begins to get busier and decides that she wouldn’t be able to do the project. So she tells him. When she does, he does not take it well and takes it as a personal rejection (this is a boundary being broken). He then brings in more personal feelings by telling her he has romantic feelings for her and admits to how he does everything he can to be able to talk to her. He then unfollows her blog.

She did not do anything wrong. She specifically told him that she could not do the project because she was too busy, yet he takes it as a personal rejection and brings more feelings into the situation. He blames her and tells her she has rejected him over and over (when she doesn’t even know what this means, because it was a business relationship/friendship the whole time).
This is an online business relationship, she doesn’t really know him and the man is also a lot older than her. This situation breaks many business boundaries and personal boundaries.

What do you do when something like this happens? I would say that this is an unhealthy relationship at this point, and to leave the relationship whether it be a friendship, business relationship or romantic relationship. If someone does not have healthy boundaries or isn’t respectful, than you owe it to yourself to be in a safer situation. You also can forgive someone and not talk to them again. There is a difference. Forgiveness doesn’t mean things have to go back to the way they were before. If you are dealing with a negative person or a person who is not respecting you, then you don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe them any more of your time. You can forgive silently. That is your business.  They are toxic and they are harming you. You need to set boundaries. You deserve healthy, happy, good relationships in your life, not manipulative, negative, and toxic people. In turn you will be healthier and happier. It’s easier said than done, but try to identify where you need to set boundaries in your life and with whom.

Written by: Adryelle
Country: United States
Twitter: @adryeIIe
Instagram: @Adryelle

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