Saturday, November 8, 2014

Poem: Thinking Back, Moving Forward

Written by: Satomi Brown

All those sleepless nights, not wanting to close your eyes for fear of what he might do. I see you...
All those restless days, wanting to leave but scared you stayed. I see you...
All those tears you cried, but in public no one knew of your pain because of the smile you wore. I see you...
All those harsh words and names you were called - words that you carried around for years. I see you...

Becoming unrecognizable.
Isolating yourself from family, friends and even the world.
"No one will understand, how could they?"
Beginning to justify his actions and take the blame upon yourself.
"If only I..." and "I should be...better" are a major part of your speech now.

Failure. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Said, all while he spit in your face.
He apologizes and buys you something and promises to never hurt you again.
Why do you believe him?
Oh, that's right, he is worthy and you are not. You are bad and he is good. You are wrong and he is right.
Sound familiar?

You lay down while he climbs on top of you and has his way.
Saving your tears until he's done and you're out of his sight.
Knowing if you let one tear fall you will be slapped into a wall, again, for sure.
In the bathroom, attempting to wash him off, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
‘Who are you?’ You think, but there is silence even in your thoughts.

Fast forward. Pregnant. Again. Another baby is on the way. Why am I not happy?
Tears rapidly streaming down your face.
Dead. Inside. Is what you felt.

You begin to think, "The world would be so much better without me."
Suicide? No, that is something I would never commit.
So, why am I still entertaining the thought?

'Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.'
Yes, that's what grandma used to say.
When will my morning come?
It seems so far away.
I keep waiting for a better day.

Dear child, please know your worth.
Victorious. Beautiful. Smart. Worthy. Is what you are and what you needed to hear most.
Rise from here, don't lay down...fight, fight, FIGHT to stay alive.
Let no one take away this part of you.
The fight is probably all you have left.
Do it for your babies. Do it for the girl next door. Do it for someone else going through the same thing. But, most of all, do it for yourself.
Never give up! It's not over yet. You have so much to live for. You still have work to do.

Fast forward. Years later. Please know that I always fought for you.

Image courtesy of khunaspix at

Written by: Satomi Brown
Country: United States
Twitter: @ReNewedChick

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